Played Volleyball in My Bathing Suit – Number 7

   Holy crap, people! I played volleyball in my bathing suit and it was my idea! My daughter and I were sitting on a porch at a campground where I had a view of the volleyball courts. I told her that I used to play in middle school. I then suggested she go to the office and see how much it costs to rent the ball. We could go play on our way to the pool later. Why is this significant? First of all, I’m not an athlete and don’t do sports. Second of all, I’d be in my bathing suit already. Third of all, it’s out in the middle of the campground and everyone can see me. Fourth of all, I don’t like to be seen…ever. 

   I have spent my life trying to be invisible. I have had body issues most of my life including eating disorders and body dysmorphia and, as an adult, have struggled with my weight. Did I mention the bathing suit? Did I mention being on display? Did I mention that I’m not an athlete and haven’t actually played volleyball in at least thirty years? Prior to doing this list, the thought of playing volleyball wouldn’t have entered my mind. Or if it did, I would have listed all the reasons above as to why I shouldn’t do it and talked myself out of it. I have missed out on so much of my life because I would shame myself out of it. 


   Once my husband and daughter picked their jaws up off the ground, and desperately tried not to make eye contact with me so as not to cause me to rethink this insane idea, we headed to the court. We started playing and not long after these two girls asked to join our game. They were around my daughter’s age…maybe between 10-13 yearsold. We all started playing and my husband took pictures and I let him. What is this insanity? Maybe I was onto something. Maybe if you try to push the envelope and go outside your comfort zone and do a few brave things, your brain creates new pathways that cause you to forget all the things that you used to be scared to do. Maybe I was capable of change and could actually start living my life. Sometimes bravery is going back to something you used to enjoy.

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