Someone posted that there was going to be an X-Files fan fiction writing challenge and they needed beta’s. I didn’t actually know what a beta did except that it seemed like it was some kind of editor. I love editing so I figured that I would just put it out there that I was interested and learn as I went along. I can’t quite explain how out of character that was for me. I won’t even eat at a restaurant without knowing ahead of time what I am ordering. I don’t do anything without masters level research, yet here I was going with the flow and willing to learn as I went along?! This list was definitely having effects on me that I never expected. So I sent a message to the person coordinating the writing challenge offering to help beta. She wrote me back and I realized that now I was really engaged.
They didn’t end up using me to help, but that wasn’t the point. The fact that I volunteered and followed through with the sign up and responded to the messages instead of running away and/or telling them that I had made a mistake and would actually be too busy to do it after offering was a big deal. That was my usual MO. I would panic and retreat, if I even offered to begin with. This list was really breaking me out of my comfort zone. Even though I was in control, it felt the opposite. My heart and brain were working against my fear and ego and my heart and brain were winning. Sometimes bravery is sharing your gifts.